Call From Unavailable
It's a lovely day here in Ordinaryville when the telephone rings with an unavailble number. I answer expecting another pitch for credit repair etc when the caller announces that he is from The Global Computer Helpdesk and they have identified a virus problem with my computer.
Oh No!
He talks me through a few menu items and we end up at the Windows control panel, Computer Management section. The Indian chap, for it is another partially fluent Indian, confirms that the presence of errors in the error log means my computer is infected with a virus so virulent it can't be detected by any known anti-virus scanner. Errors in the error log? Whatever next?
I'm extremely concerned by this so ask him how to remove them. He transfers me to his supervisor and I can tell they can smell a sale.
The supervisor speaks and asks me to go to my web browser, asks me what is in the address bar and I tell him it's www.chickswithdicks.com
This seems to enrage him and he tells in quite graphic terms how to insert one part of my anatomy into another and then hangs up.
I never quite found out what that virus was...
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
Monday, 14 February 2011
In Which Our Man Sends Turds To The Prime Minister
Call from 02070603962
We haven't had a call for weeks so this one came as a nice surprise. English chap called Chris wanted to speak to our man about getting some money back from oversold payment protection insurance.
Mr Smith was called to the telephone and immediately adopted a strong Yorkshire accent, with traces of Geordie I think.
The caller wanted to send across some paperwork for Mr Smith to approve before getting his £1500 refund. Unfortunately, Mr Smiths eyes had been lost in an accident last year so he couldn't read anything.
Mr Williams was sorry about the accident but persisted. He said someone else could read them and I could get the money in as little as 4 days!
I said that was no use as I'm going to prison next week for sending turds to the Prime Minister. It started as a hobby but I really got into it over the years and now the authorities have found out.
Mr Williams asked me if I was joking. I said no.
He then mentioned that £1500 would be a nice amount for someone else or for me on my release. I explained that I had nothing to live for and that I planned to get shivved as soon as possible.
We said our goodbyes and ended the call.
We haven't had a call for weeks so this one came as a nice surprise. English chap called Chris wanted to speak to our man about getting some money back from oversold payment protection insurance.
Mr Smith was called to the telephone and immediately adopted a strong Yorkshire accent, with traces of Geordie I think.
The caller wanted to send across some paperwork for Mr Smith to approve before getting his £1500 refund. Unfortunately, Mr Smiths eyes had been lost in an accident last year so he couldn't read anything.
Mr Williams was sorry about the accident but persisted. He said someone else could read them and I could get the money in as little as 4 days!
I said that was no use as I'm going to prison next week for sending turds to the Prime Minister. It started as a hobby but I really got into it over the years and now the authorities have found out.
Mr Williams asked me if I was joking. I said no.
He then mentioned that £1500 would be a nice amount for someone else or for me on my release. I explained that I had nothing to live for and that I planned to get shivved as soon as possible.
We said our goodbyes and ended the call.
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